Ways to revitalize your sex life after child birth

Funmi Akingbade
Caring for new born babies takes a lot of time and can sap you of the energy you used to devote to your husband. Reclaiming sex life after child birth is a challenge most couples face. Although it is difficult, it is doable. The most important thing is to have some reasonable expectations of yourself and your body and you will get back into the sexual swing .
Many couples have asked me over and again how they can get the green light for sex after having their baby . I need to say that before you start post- delivery sex, make sure you do not have any postpartum vaginal discharge. Having sex before the discharge stops can put you at risk of infection .
Most new mothers can resume sex from the fourth day after delivery to the fourth week after delivery , regardless of whether they had a vaginal delivery or a C / Section . Some women need a lot of stitches after childbirth and this can also put sex on hold for a longer period .
Men must understand that it is not that sex is totally forbidden after child birth but the lack of sleep smothers many new mothers ’ sex drive . And one of the biggest obstacles of resuming sexual activities is the overwhelming fatigue that accompanies the care for the newborn. For several months, most new born babies require feeding every two to three hours round the clock. According to research, it has been estimated that 30 per cent of babies do not sleep at night and many cry all through the night. This demand and lack of sleep can cause new moms not only to lose sexual desire and sensation ; it outrightly renders them powerless for sexual craving and pleasure .
Then again, the irony of a new baby ’s demand is that it also has its toll on the new father , which means lack of sleep also stifles the sex drive of new fathers. But most new dads are still interested in sex , even if they are tired . The point here is that men crave sex to help them feel emotionally close to their wives and also to relax. Most men can have sex at a whim, while most wives need more than enough foreplay to become aroused .
I usually tell married couples that one of the greatest, finest, unsurpassed and best sex facilitator is good and timely communication between the couple . So, there is a need for the married couple to talk with and to each other if either of the spouse is so tired and it is affecting his / her sexual desire . In that regards, both of them could fashion out other ways they could get rest and later get in the mood for sex. The wife could start by asking her spouse or any available relative to watch the baby so she could take a nap . Also, both of them could try to have sex in the morning after they must have rested .
I also need to say this that after giving birth , the hormonal level of the woman changes a lot . As a matter of fact, the oestrogen levels decreases. This can cause lack of vagina lubrication , which may make sex less pleasurable and even very painful. But the lubrication issues usually go away when the woman stops breast- feeding and also after the menstrual cycle begins again. Aside from the low oestrogen, there can also be the increase supply of protactine hormones . This is the hormone that helps in breast feeding.
Many new mothers have reported cases of loneliness and feeling of sadness , anxiety and irritation after childbirth . When such feelings are not identified and dealt with , they do interfere with sexual desire and may even persist for longer than the couples can handle . As much as breast feeding is good for the baby and also good for the new mother to bond with her newborn, it may also get in the way of a couple ’s sex life . The act of constant nursing can make the breast feel tender, sore or hurtful. And with this experience , many women may not want to be touched there at all .
I usually tell married women that if they are worried and concerned about the leakage or tenderness , they should try wearing bra during sex.

Also, the amount of energy spent in breast feeding and nursing a baby can make a new mum feel like a baby feeding machine and also make her feel emotionally unattractive and can even hinder sexual feelings .
The truth remains that the body of a nursing mother changes inside and outside. But how a new mother feels about her new post- delivery body can have a very big impact on her feeling of sexuality. Most women gain so much weight in a typical pregnancy and many women get lots of horrible stretch marks. A C -section can leave a scar formation and the episiotomy can make the vagina look so unattractively funny . All these may make a woman think she cannot be ‘ whole’ again and she may feel a bit sad about her body .
But I need to tell many new mothers that in reality, your husband is actually not viewing you the way you are viewing yourself. While you are devaluing yourself, he is actually adding much more value to you for the joy of making him a proud father and so on .

I would also say that you can still engage in some moderate exercises and also watch what you eat. Do not shy away from trying on new sexy lingerie that can cover some new problematic areas .

Vagina delivery may have also over -stretched the vagina walls , which can decrease friction and reduce sexual enjoyment . But it would take some kegel exercises and pelvic wall exercises to help here for the muscle tone to return to proper proportion .
It has also been discovered that lack of interest in sex after having a new baby from either both the new mother and father could be more than just physical. There may be some issue going on in the relationship that may need to be examined. You both may need to ask yourselves, ‘what is making us uncomfortable with sex?’ A common feeling may actually be resentment at being stuck with the baby all alone at home by yourself, changing diapers , nursing and looking unattractive while your husband goes outside the house and spends time with friends . Or it may be the fact that the husband was present in the labour room at the birth of the baby and seeing the baby come out of the vaginal becomes an issue he can’ t bring himself to agree with , making him to view the vagina as not the sexy object he used to cherish again.

Finally , I always advocate for couples to try and explore all other alternatives. Please remember that sex is not just about intercourse; sex is also about pleasuring each other and there are many ways to do just that . Have you both considered oral sex both for the man and the wife? How about manual stimulation or erotic massage for intimacy ? Even if or when you are not feeling sexual , you must try to connect with yourselves by kissing, hugging , holding hands or cuddling .
And if you will , please don ’t ignore this – you both have to schedule sex . The reason being that the first year with a newborn is very physically and emotionally demanding and many married couples may have to realise their sex life may not be the same as it was before the baby arrived. However , most sexual issues women experience following childbirth improve within the same year.
Questions!!! Answers!!!

Can I be in my menopausal stage at 27 ?

I am a 27 – year- old woman and I have had one successful pregnancy – no miscarriage . I have been on hormonal birth control pills for about 10 years with only a few breaks. But in the past six months, I have had a range of symptoms that have got progressively worse . My question is, can a 27 – year – old mother enter into menopause ? I am experiencing many strange things in my body and my doctor said it could be early menopause . I am afraid of this finding, please help .

Kimberley Omotesho Silver

Actually , with the level of your usage of hormonal birth control pills for close to 10 years , any alteration may affect your normal hormonal balance which can be a low oestrogen level leading to early menopause . In some other people , it could start with deep vaginal pain with intercourse and a burning, raw feeling in the vagina after intercourse . As a matter of fact, it is possible to experience a worsening of pain with intercourse along with night sweats , hot flashes , more painful and longer lasting periods, dizziness , chest pains , heart palpitations, headaches (almost daily ), dry skin and eyes, and irritability along with frequent bouts of crying, even after been treated further with some of the artificial hormones. This is because your Ethinyl estradiol levels may have become so much less than normal and your FSH may have being low because Ethinyl estradiol is a strong oestrogen, and suppresses your FSH (which is why many doctors or family planning officers use it for birth control). You need to be off the pill for at least a month to six weeks to get a really good read as to what your own normal hormones are up to . It would be very unusual for you to be menopausal (but not impossible ). This also may be because you may have an issue with either your pituitary gland or the hypothalamus. However , it is very important for you to see an endocrinologist . But the most important decision best for you now is to stop the use of any birth control pills. Stay off any medication and look for herbs that could be of help . There are some herbs that help female reproductive organs and they may be of help to you . Some of them include clover , black cohosh , blue cohosh , uva ursi and turmeric . But if you have to go for medication , it is advisable not to ever mix them with herbs or supplements.
I am just ashamed
Why do I have a curved erection? I experience this shameful and painful curved penis especially when I have full erection. There is this ugly scar formation that usually turns my penis sideways when it is in erection. I was told I was born this way. I have over the years , tried to straighten it up but the more I try, the more injuries I sustain and the more scar formation I see . Is this also another form of erectile dysfunction because I can’ t go near a lady ? Oh , help me .

Driscoll Richard

From your explanation , maybe this could be Peyronie ’s disease . Peyronie ’s disease is caused by a plaque under the skin of the penis that results in a bent or curved penis when erect. A Peyronie ’s plaque may result from injury to the penis and / or genetic factors . However , the exact cause of Peyronie ’s disease is still unknown. Peyronie ’ s disease is unlikely to go away on its own and may get worse over time with age . A statistics of three to nine per cent of adult males worldwide , are estimated to have Peyronie ’s disease. Some men may think that it’s erectile dysfunction . However , it is more of a “plaque ” that can be felt and a curve in the penis greater than 30 degrees . Researchers have identified some injections that may be very effective . This injection is injected into the scar tissue or Peyronie ’s plaque . It helps weaken and break down the plaque . This , along with gentle stretching and straightening activities , can help to straighten the curve in the erect penis caused by Peyronie ’ s disease . Howbeit, I will suggest you ask a medical doctor or a sex therapist for such.

Loss of appetite immediately after sex
I always experience extreme loss of appetite immediately after sex . Sometimes, it takes up to two to three days for my appetite to come back . I am afraid if this is going to have effect on my general health.

Sylvanus Ugoji

Hi , Mr Ugoji , have you observed your stress level lately? When you get stressed, your body reacts as if it’s in danger. Your brain releases chemicals , including adrenaline , that makes your heart beat faster and slows your digestion . That can curb your appetite. This is called the ‘fight -or- flight ’ response and it lasts only a short time . If you ’re stressed over a long period, this experience might become a long- term issue . Then are you on any long- time medications? Many medicines can have appetite loss as a side effect . Some of the most common ones include antibiotics , antifungal , and muscle relaxants . Drugs that treat migraines , high blood pressure and diabetics can also affect your hunger. Have you also checked your thyroid function level? Your thyroid hormones control how your body turns food into energy. When that gland doesn ’t make enough of those, your body functions slow down.

Age is another thing that can make you lose appetite for long. Up to 30 per cent of older people have less of an appetite than they used to . It can happen for a number of reasons . As you age , your digestion slows , so you tend to feel fuller for longer time . Your sense of smell, taste , or vision may also get weaker. This can make food less appealing .

Is prostatitis curable?

Good day madam , I commend your contributions towards making homes stand . Without shying away from the truth , sex goes a long way in determining the strength of marriage. May God increase your knowledge and make you useful for Him .
How can I cure prostatitis ? Is it curable ?


When it comes to health, I do not mince my words because health is wealth. Please , kindly see your family doctor . Sometimes , over the counter prescriptions or seeking help from friends and older couples who are not well informed may be misleading .

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